Nandyan kana naman...
tinutukso tukso ang aking puso...
Ilang ulit nabang iniiwasan ka, di na natuto.
Yung totoo? How many
times do you have to convince yourself that there is a chance for the both of
you but not in this lifetime? Ilang beses mo na bang sinabi sa sarili mo na
tama na, Kakalimutan mo na siya...pero likod palang niya, ALAM NA! You tried to
ignore the erratic beating of your heart everytime he's around. You still
couldn't be yourself ever if you try to 'cause you're too conscious. Even
afraid of committing a little bit of mistake kasi bawas ganda points! How many
times did you try convincing yourself that you don't love him? That this is
ONLY some kind of admiration because he's just a good person (labas sa ilong!),
nothing more. At humahanap kana ng anything na ikakaturn off mo. (na kahit na
anong makita mo, tanggap mo!)
You kept your distance.
You accepted the fact that you aren't his kind of girl. "Overqualified
kasi ako." pampalubag loob mo nalang sa sarili mo dahil ang totoo minsan
nanliliit kana at tinatanong kung ano bang mali sayo. Alam mong hindi ka niya
gusto at umuusok ang ilong mo kapag tinuturing ka niyang parang bata. Sa kabila
ng lahat ng iyon, dumating sa puntong sinabi mong "wala na akong
nararamdaman para sa kanya. As in wala na." Hmmmm...wala na. Pero hindi ka
pinaniniwalaan ng mga tao sa paligid mo. Bakit? Alam mong okay kana eh,
dumating na ang pagkakataon na nakakausap mo na siya.
You can now able to meet
his gaze and do your thing without any inhibitions. Oh, that feeling! You lived
your life as if you were deaf both ears, to the whispers of your heart, numb
from the unknown pain. You let yourself not to be drowned for he's not willing
to save you. But at the end of the day, you realized that it wasn't all easy,
denying this and that...pretending like you don't care. Sometimes it's hard to
act as if you don't see anything and most of the times it's hard to hide that
you're really hurting inside.
*sigh*... There are
times when you think of going somewhere far but is it all worth it? Ang umiwas?
Ang lumayo? Is it right to give up one of your greatest dreams just to get rid
of the pain you feel every time you meet him? 'Cause you know, you're going
nowhere. Minsan nakakasama ng loob na nasa harap kalang niya ngunit parang wala
siyang nakikita. So, to save your pride, you act as if nothing's wrong when you
know there is. Trinatraydor ka na naman ng puso mo. You are trying to control
your feelings but it keeps on growing. You keep on walking away when all you
want to do is to embrace it. Pilit mong tinatakasan ang isang bagay na alam
mong mahirap nang tanggalin sa sistema mo. Dumadating din sa puntong suko kana
pero bakit hindi ang puso? You can't do anything though it's not a hopeless nor
helpless case. It's just that your feet keep on running and running only to
find out you're still leading to him. And the thing you've got to do is to give
in....
Minsan ang hirap talaga
na kahit anong pilit mong lumayo at hindi ka sangayunan ng puso mo, babalik at
babalik ka parin sa kung ano o sino ang itinitibok nito. Ano ba ang magagawa
mo? Kaya mo bang magpatuloy sa pagiwas kung ito na mismo ang trumatraydor sayo?
Raquel Rodriguez a.k.a. Destiny studied BSN at Our Lady of Fatima University. She is currently working as an accounting staff at Borland Development Corporation. She’s kind of timid but always wants to explore. She believes that she was made up of sugar, spice and a dash of weirdness. A dream chaser, a volunteer, a pastry chef wannabe and a little bit of this and that. She writes her heart out and shares the moments of her deep thoughts and the aches of her silence.
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